Haku's Secret
by iceprincess85
Summary: For ten years all Chihiro has really wanted was to see Haku again. What will happen when he suddenly shows up? What is Haku keeping from her and why won’t he tell her why it’s been ten years? READ AND REVIEW Please. Chapter 7 now up!Back after 2 yrs
1. Chapter 1

Haku's secret

By iceprincess85

Disclaimer: I do not own spirited away.

A/N: this is my first fanfic so I am apologising in advance just in case, please feel free to let me know any thing that you think, if I get anything wrong or anyway I can improve the way I write.

Summary: for ten years all Chihiro has really wanted was to see Haku again. What will happen when he suddenly shows up? What is Haku keeping from and why won't he tell her why it's been ten years?

**Chapter One.**

"Will we meet again sometime?" "Sure we will." "Promise?" "Promise. Now go and don't look back."

"Haku…" Chihiro rolled over in her sleep. It was the same dream all the time, for the past ten years. She was dreaming of him and their parting.

Chihiro was now twenty, she was no longer the whining little brat she had been when she'd first gone to the spirit world. She was now an independent woman of the world, she had her own apartment and a steady job, thankfully she only worked five days a week, leaving her weekends free.

Her hair was no longer short to her shoulders, it was now down to her lower back, still fashioned in a ponytail unless she was going out somewhere. Her figure had filled out, she had very feminine curves and long shapely legs. When she had gone through school she had been very popular with the boys, politely turning down all who asked her out, and known as somewhat as a heartbreaker. She got good marks in all her subjects and teachers being teachers always told she could do better if she could just get her head out of the clouds.

Disturbed by the sound of her own voice Chihiro looked at the clock on her bedside table. Still laying in bed she thought about the dream for abit, looking at her clock again she was grateful she didn't have to work today. Finally deciding that ten thirty was late enough to laze around in bed. After getting out of bed she got stuck into her usual routine. Breakfast. Shower. Clean the apartment. Shopping.

However she didn't much feel like breakfast, was never one to have long showers, and the apartment only needed the dishes done and a vacuum, which only took about fifteen minutes. With the shopping she only needed some fresh fruit and vegetable and maybe some meat or fish. Having nothing left to do she sat down to watch some tv. Unfortunately this didn't stop her thoughts from wondering to how different her life was to what she had planned or imagined when she was younger.

Her parents had passed on last year, her mother had been killed in an accident and her father lost the will to live and died from grief shortly after. So now she was alone, she still had other relatives but didn't wish to be a burden to any of them. Haku hadn't come to see her and she was beginning to believe he never would, it had been ten years after all, surely if he had been going to come then he would have by now right? He was probably happy where he was, as long as that was the case then it was sort of ok with her if she never seen him again, at least that's what she told herself.

But still he had promised they would meet again, he should at least let her know somehow that he is ok. Why should his promise be any different than anyone else's? Other people made promises that they didn't keep. Maybe he had just promised they'd meet again to make her feel better, after all a promise was only words. The only thing that made a promise so different was the value people put on them, the more value that someone put on it the disappointed you were when it was broken.

Her parents had promised they would always be there for her. They weren't.

Her grandparents had promised to look after her and that she could stay with them as long as she liked. Five months after she had moved in they asked her to move out.

And Haku had promised they would meet again, and it appeared that they never would.

No one seemed to keep their promises and now she was all alone. She missed everyone but wouldn't cry, not now, she wouldn't allow herself to become that deep into self-pity. She hated herself for the thoughts that she was having now, they got her nowhere and only caused her to get depressed. Getting up she made herself some dinner, she wasn't really hungry but it helped to distract her mind. She ate dinner at her table, use to the silence of eating alone. After dinner Chihiro showered and went to bed. Letting her tears flow as she lay in her bed, she thought of Haku and her parents. Emotionally drained and exhausted Chihiro drifted off to sleep. As one last tear made it's way down her cheek she whispered Haku's name.

"Wake up Chihiro." A kind voice said softly. Chihiro murmured something inaudible and rolled over onto her back, giving her unnoticed guest a view of the face he'd seen so often in his own dreams. "Gods you are beautiful." He said his voice just above a whisper as he stared down at her. Thinking of how much he had missed her and how much she had changed he continued to look down at her, her eyes where slightly puffy from crying. So it hadn't another been an illusion caused to distress him, she really had been crying herself to sleep. This made him wonder how many more of those illusions had been real? He wished he could have been there to comfort her.

Haku signed and sat down beside her bed, he'd let her sleep, he didn't really want to wake her anyway she looked so peaceful. It wasn't like he was in a hurry anyway he had nowhere to go. Haku allowed himself to drift into a light sleep leaning against the closest wall, they could talk in the morning.

Chihiro screamed at the top of her lungs, clutching the sheet to herself and staring at the stranger in her room. Haku shot up as soon as she screamed partially out of fright from the unexpected sound. Quickly he scanned the room looking for the cause of the scream. "Please don't hurt me!" She cried when he turned to face her. Hurt her? She thought that he was going to hurt her? Haku felt a pain go threw him at what those words meant. He began to sink to the floor feeling as though he were being trampled, her words ran through his mind. Please don't hurt me! And her tone of voice as she had said it. So afraid and vulnerable. And he was the cause of her fear.

Chihiro watched as the stranger sank to the floor. He was wearing a white t-shirt and blue pants, his hair was black and to his shoulders. His head was bent causing his hair to fall in front of his face, blocking her view of his features. Yet there was something familiar about him. Deciding that he wasn't going to hurt her Chihiro got out of bed put her dressing gown on and crouched beside him. "I'm…I'm sorry you just scared me. I mean its not everyday I wake up with a strange man in my room." She said giving him a slight smile. _Maybe he was drunk and walked in thinking it was his place_, _but I'm certain that I had locked the door last night._ Chihiro thought.

He looked up at Chihiro, she didn't remember him, he felt like his heart was about to be ripped form his chest. Chihiro. His Chihiro didn't remember him. _She's not yours you idiot_, he scolded mentally kicking himself. "I came to see you, like I promised." His voice filled with pain. "I missed you so much." He continued quietly. Chihiro stared at him for a bit totally dumbfounded that he knew her name. He'd said he had come to see her like he promised, but she honestly didn't recognise him. "Like you promised?" She asked slowly. He sighed he had hoped that his words would cause her to remember him. "You don't remember do you? I had hoped that you would, but I can understand, it's been ten years. I should have come sooner, and I would have but…"Haku sighed and stood. "I'm sorry for bothering you Chihiro." He said finally looking into her eyes, how he had longed to look into them. As he turned to walk away he heard Chihiro rise. "H…Haku? It cant be." _This is too much of a coincidence, I was just thinking about him before I went to bed and now here he is, I have to be dreaming._ Chihiro thought looking at him, she wouldn't have believed it was him, he had changed so much, but those eyes. Those emerald green eyes that she had dreamt of so often.

He turned to face her. " Haku?" she asked again beginning to feel uncertain. Suddenly Haku's arms were around her, making Chihiro yelp in surprise, as he hugged her to him. "You didn't forget me? You have no idea how happy I am that you didn't forget me." Chihiro wrapped her arms around him afraid she'd wake up, like so many times before. "I'm not dreaming am I? I miss you so much I don't want this to be a dream." As she spoke she buried her head into Haku's chest, while he stoked her hair gently. "No Chihiro you're not dreaming, I'm really here. I've missed you too." His grip tightened slightly as he spoke._ it should have been like this sooner_, he thought. She felt right in his arms and he never wanted to let her go.

End chapter one.

AN: Yay me! So all reviews are welcome. If you think it sucked than just say so, how am I going to improve if I don't know what I am doing wrong, right? If you liked it than I am glad please let me know as well, encouragement helps heaps. Also if you like it and are waiting for the next chapter it shouldn't be too much longer I've written a bit of it already. J

Oh if there are problems with my spelling and grammar than you can take it up with the Queensland education system. Damn you Queensland education system! J

♥ Later. ♥


	2. Chapter 2

Haku's secret

By iceprincess85

Summary: For ten years all Chihiro has really wanted was to see Haku again. What will happen when he suddenly shows up? What is Haku keeping from and why won't he tell her why it's been ten years?

Disclaimer: I do not own spirited away.

**Chapter Two.**

Chihiro and Haku had spent the whole day talking, mostly about Chihiro, Everytime that she tried to talk about how he'd been he'd change the subject back to her or to the others that she had met in the spirit realm.

Now Haku was asleep on the lounge and Chihiro in her bed, though for her sleep would not come. She kept trying to figure out why Haku wouldn't want her to know what he'd been doing for the past ten years and why he hadn't come sooner.

"Chihiro…mmm…no." Haku's voice drifted to her as he started to talk in his sleep. Slowly she walked out to the lounge and looked down at him. His hair was sticking to his forehead with sweat, his head moving restlessly on one of the pillow she had given him earlier, the other lay on the floor having been thrown off by his movements.

"No." His voice was getting louder and it now held panic. He's having a nightmare Chihiro realised, reaching over to lightly shake Haku awake. "Wake up, Haku." She said softly.

"NO CHIHIRO!" He screamed bolting upright, causing Chihiro to fall backwards startled by the sudden move and loud cry. Panting Haku glanced around the room quickly. It was a dream he realised thankfully. "Haku?" Chihiro's concerned voice made him look around again. He spotted her on the floor looking up at him, quickly getting out from under the covers he knelt beside her.

"I'm sorry." He said his voice shaking slightly. Helping Chihiro to her knees he pulled her into his arm and buried his face into the curve of her neck, taking comfort in her scent and warmth.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. You were just having a nightmare." Chihiro whispered as she spoke her hands ran soothingly over his back. Little by little he began to relax. She was right it had just been a nightmare, he had nothing to worry about she was safe. Haku shuddered as he thought of the dream again. Letting go of Chihiro he stood up. Helping her to her feet he apologised yet again as he moved to sit back on the lounge.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked as she sat next to him. He just sighed and shook his head, not looking at her instead choosing to stare at the blue grey carpet beneath his feet. He knew talking about it wouldn't help and he felt embarrassed enough that he had been so scared by something as childish as a nightmare, even if it was extremely realistic.

"Thankyou Chihiro. You should go back to sleep you'll be tired in the morning, and you said that you have work tomorrow." Chihiro just smiled and shook her head. "It's ok Haku, I don't have to work tomorrow, I called them after dinner and told them that I was sick." Haku frowned at her. "You shouldn't have done that, you're not sick." He said sternly making Chihiro feel like a little kid being scolded for lying. When she started to laugh he gave her a puzzled look.

"What's so funny? You could lose your job." Chihiro shrugged still laughing, it wasn't that she didn't care it was just that she knew that her boss wouldn't fire her for having a sicky. "Haku if I lose my job I'll just get another one. I don't really have to work, it's not like I need the money." Chihiro laughed and rested her head on his shoulder sighing happily. Haku lightly rested his head on hers, he could get use to this, she made him feel at peace, which was something he'd wanted for a long time now.

Chihiro sighed again and Haku felt her relax more against him, realising she was asleep he moved her so that her head was resting on his chest and carefully picked her up. Walking into her room, he carried her over to the bed, as he placed her on the bed she stirred and looked up at him giving him a sleepy smile. "I'm sorry I fell asleep on you." She mumbled sleepily. "You'll still be here in the morning Haku? I don't want to lose you again…"

Haku watched her sleep for a while, then walked back to the lounge. Laying back he thought about Chihiro and how different was now to when he'd first met her. A smile formed on his lips as to when as he began to think more about her. When he had first met her he had thought she was beautiful, that hadn't changed but he found her more desirable now, though that did come with being older. It wasn't just her looks that made special to him, she was smart, caring and had a great sense of humour.

He had learnt so much when they had talked, about her friends, school life. Her family, he had felt guilty when she had told him about and their passing and the trouble she'd gone threw just afterwards, he hadn't been here to comfort her when she had needed it, like he should have been. He wanted to know everything, one thing that he really wanted to know was if she had found someone to love, and was that person still in the picture? He had been dying to ask her that, especially after she had said '_its not everyday I wake up with a strange man in my room'_, when he'd first arrived. But he didn't want to sound jealous by asking her about her love life. God knew he was, even at the mere thought, but if it made her happy and she was being treated right then that was all that mattered. Haku dozed off thinking about Chihiro, a faint smile caressed his lips as he slept.

Haku was awake and had neatly folded the blankets he had slept on when Chihiro walked out in the morning. She smiled at him sweetly causing his breath to catch slightly.

"Do you want breakfast Haku?" Her voice was soft and filled with happiness matching her mood. Haku smiled back at her and shook his head, he was never really one to eat breakfast. Chihiro made herself some toast and a coffee. Haku watched her as she ate. Once she had finished breakfast she put her dishes in the dishwasher, and went and had a shower.

The day progressed much like the day before. Chihiro explained all the technology in her hours to him, not sure if he would know any of it. Haku was still reluctant to talk about the last ten years of his life. Quickly getting sick of talking about herself Chihiro fell silent.

"Chihiro?" Haku was looking at her. _What have I done?_ He thought when she just looked at him silently. "I'm sorry." He said not even knowing the problem, only knowing that he had caused it.

"No Haku I should be the one saying sorry. I'm acting like a child just because you wont tell me something I wanted to know." Haku looked at her surprised not understanding at first, slowly though meaning sunk in and was he was hit full force by guilt. But he couldn't tell her, he knew his reasons for not telling her, and he knew they were selfish. _She'll hate me _he thought, _I finally got her back in my life and if she finds out I'll lose her again._

Haku felt bad keeping things from her but it was the only way he could keep her in his life, and he was beginning to hate himself for his selfishness. Chihiro watched the emotions play across his face. Guilt. Hatred. Fear. Deciding that him torturing himself was no help she tried to change the subject. When Haku didn't respond she began to get worried. It wasn't until she cupped his cheek and forced him to look at her that his attention was brought to where he was.

"I'm sorry." He said again as he got up and started walking towards the bathroom. Chihiro grabbed his hand stopping him, her slender fingers entwined with his as she looked at him.

"Haku what's wrong?" She asked trying to make eye contact, but his eyes were lowered locked on their joined hands. It fascinated him and he didn't understand why. "Chihiro I…I want to tell you, I really do. But I…" Haku's words were cut off as Chihiro placed her finger against his lips.

"It's ok Haku. It's upto you if you want to tell me, I mean I want to know but I'm not going to force you to tell me if you don't want to. " Smiling she took a breath and continued. "I'm just glad that we are together again." Haku gave her a loving smile. "So am I." He said pulling her closer. Slowly Haku began to lean forward, Chihiro could feel his breath fan her face as his free hand cupped her cheek, and she closed her eyes. The phones' sudden ringing startled them both, causing them to jump away from one another blushing furiously.

"Hello" Chihiro answered instantly hating whoever was on the other line. "Hello my name is Takani and I work for your local council. We are calling people to see how you think we could improve your local area, are you free at the moment to answer some questions?" Chihiro politely told him that now was bad timing and quickly hung up before he could start talking again. With a sigh she turned around to see Haku standing close behind her.

Leaning in again his lips lightly touching her in a gentle kiss. Chihiro's eyes fluttered closed as she leant into him. "Chihiro." Haku whispered as he broke the kiss looking down at her happily, he had dreamed of this. Sighing contently Chihiro rested her head against Haku's shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on hers. After a few moments of being in each others arms the couple separated.

"Umm…so what do you want for dinner Haku?" Chihiro asked as she looked threw her fridge for an easy meal. "I really don't mind, it's up to you." He said thinking about the meal they'd had the night before. Chihiro had continuously apologised for not being a good cook. He had really liked the meal, but she had seemed to believe that she was no good at cooking, among other things.

"Chihiro, last night why did you keep apologising about the meal? It was delicious." Chihiro blushed at his complement. "Thankyou." She said as she wrapped her arms around him.

"But the question remains what do you want?" She asked smiling sweetly up at him. "How about…you." With that he pulled her to him and lightly pressed his lips to hers.

A/N: Haha, chapter two is done:-) though I think chapter one was better written, but oh well.

Thankyou to those who reviewed:-

**Fantasywriter13** - I hope that my tenses were right this time, if they are still muddled up then please just bear with me.

**Blue-Jellee **- I'm so glad you like my fic, I'll try update as quickly as possible all the time. If I don't get writers block.

**Julia **- I hope that this chapter is a little happier for you. (I hope I don't sound sarcastic)

**HotPinkPenguin** - yes I got it typed up tonight! yay! Don't chicken out _please_, you know what I mean. ;-)

**TopazOwl** - I hope that the way I have set up the sentences makes it easier for you to read.

Love you all…coz you're all so nice (seriously) ;-) I hope that you all liked the second chapter. Again if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes I apologise and blame my education. :-)

Review please! All comments and ideas are welcome…though please don't be to harsh if you flame me (remember this is my first fic)

♥Later♥


	3. Chapter 3

Haku's secret

By iceprincess85

Summary: For ten years all Chihiro has really wanted was to see Haku again. What will happen when he suddenly shows up? What is Haku keeping from her and why won't he tell her why it's been ten years?

Disclaimer: I do not own spirited away.

**Chapter Three.**

Chihiro sighed enjoying the feeling of Haku's lips against hers. Slowly, without noticing, they moved closer together until their bodies were only separated by their clothing. Chihiro's arms were around Haku's neck, her fingers hidden in his glorious black hair

Haku's hands rested on the curve of Chihiro's hips lightly, keeping her close to him. Breathing heavily he pulled back slightly, Chihiro looked up at him lovingly and rested her head against his chest. Bending slightly Haku grabbed Chihiro's legs and lifted her totally into his arms, and carried her to the lounge where he sat placing her on his lap.

By this point dinner was forgotten by both as they happily cuddled. Haku sighed completely content in that moment; this was how he wanted things to be always. "Haku?" Chihiro's voice was quiet but he could hear the emotion in it. "Are you ok?" she asked when he didn't answer her.

"Everything's wonderful Chihiro." He said smiling down at her. "I was just thinking how happy I am." He finished as he placed a light kiss on her forehead. "So am I Haku." She said as she leant into him. They stayed in each other's arm for a few hours before going to bed. Their goodnight kiss did anything but make them want to sleep, but with a great amount of will power they both headed off, Chihiro to her bed and Haku to the lounge.

The next day Chihiro had work and left after Haku's constant insistence that he would be fine home alone. "Ok. I'll be back late. Make yourself at home, do whatever you want, ok Haku?" Haku smiled at her showing his obvious amusement, she was so caught up worrying about him that she didn't realise that she was treating him like a child.

"Chihiro, I'll be fine. Now go before your late." He said chuckling as he bent his head to kiss her goodbye. Realising how stupid she was being Chihiro blushed, and left. Shutting the door behind her Haku shook his head and laughed to himself.

Walking over to Chihiro's book collection Haku picked out one that sounded interesting and was nice and thick. Three or four other books caught his attention, their coverings seemed to be made out of plastic, and on each of them was a different year. Picking up the most recent one Haku began flipping through it; there were newspaper clippings and photos throughout the book. Remembering that Chihiro had told him about her scrapbook collection, he figured this was what she had been talking about.

Some of the photos looked recent to him, these caught his attention, her smile was so sad in these. He slowly ran his finger over her image; once again he felt guilt at not being there for her. This feeling was only increased when he came across a newspaper clipping. Two dead, one in critical condition, the title said. Reading the article he realised that the accident that had killed Chihiro's parents had almost killed her as well. But he had seen on sigh of scars on her. He wondered on that for awhile before closing the scrapbook.

After putting the scrapbook back he made himself some kare raisu for lunch, sat at the table. Eating his lunch his thoughts kept going to why Chihiro had never mentioned anything about the accident. _I can't really judge her,_ he thought_, I still haven't told her everything._ Finishing lunch he began to clean up. An image of Chihiro covered in blood flashed in his mind, then faded. Haku shook his head hoping that it was just that one image, not another illusion.

Unfortunately for him that was exactly what it was. The illusion seemed to be back with vengeance after having not occurred in nearly a week. Under the emotional stress the illusion caused him Haku collapsed, the illusion began to fade the last thing he saw was Chihiro covered in blood a tear rolling down her cheek as she said his name.

The front door opened hours later, and Chihiro walked in, as soon as she was in the door she could tell that something was wrong. Walking into the kitchen Chihiro sees Haku and stops dead. "Oh God, Haku?" she whispered as she knelt next to him. Checking his vitals she lets out a sigh of relief when she noticed his even breathing and felt his strong pulse. Carefully she moves Haku's head to her lap, and gently brushes his hair away from his face.

"Chihiro…I…I'm sorry." Haku mumbled as he woke, fifteen minutes later. Chihiro smiled down at him and gently stroked his cheek. "You're ok, right?" he said again sitting up to look her over. "It wasn't real." He whispered as he started to shake. "She's safe." Again whispering to himself. Chihiro was curious about the words but decided to let it go for now, right now she was more worried about the shaking that seemed to have taken hold of him. She didn't like seeing Haku like this.

"Haku, everything is fine." She said as she gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "You should lay down, I'll make you some nice tea." Haku looked at her as she let go of his hand to stand up. "Come on, you can stay in my room." Chihiro felt her face warm as she blushed. Accepting the hand she was offering, Haku and Chihiro made their way to Chihiro's room.

Chihiro moved the back the covers for him, using her free hand; Haku didn't seem to want to let go of her hand. Feeling a light tug on er hand she turned to face Haku. His expression held concern; he gently cupped her cheek with his free hand.

"You're alright Chihiro, aren't you?" Chihiro gave him a questioning look to which he just shook his head. "I'm sorry to worry you Chihiro, I just…" Haku visibly shuddered. "It was so real." He said moving closer to her, as he moved closer to her his hand dropped to her waist and rested his head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry." He said again.

Chihiro was now pulled right up to Haku's body, with his arms around her waist and his forehead on her shoulder. Chihiro felt useless, what could she say? She didn't really know what was wrong or why he was apologising.

"Ha…" Haku's lips were against hers before she could even get a full word out. His kiss was gentle, loving and something else, it almost felt like gratitude. The kiss didn't last long; Haku pulled away and rested his head in the curve of his neck. Chihiro stroked his hair, loving the feel of the soft hair under her hands. God how she loved him, these thoughts were not a shock to her. She had known for a long time know that she loved Haku, she just didn't know if he loved her, how she hoped he did.

"Haku." She said her hand stilling in his hair. "If you lay down I can go get you some tea, if you like?" lifting his head Haku looked at her, trying for a smile all he managed was a slight twitch of the lip. Chihiro felt another prang of uselessness as she realised just how badly this was hurting him. She wished she knew so she could comfort him.

"I don't want any tea thankyou Chihiro." Haku paused for awhile lowering his head slightly. Chihiro noticed his cheeks colour with a light blush, he was blushing? Chihiro wondered about him blushing as she turned to leave the room. "Chihiro could you stay with me?" Haku's voice was low. Turning Chihiro looked at him, he was still standing where they had kissed. _It's like we're taking turns blushing_ Chihiro thought feeling her face grow warm again.

"Umm, sure Haku." She said looking at the ground. "I'll just get myself a drink of water and I'll be back." Walking out of the room she heard Haku sigh as he moved to the bed. After having a glass of water she headed back to the room, where Haku was waiting for her.

"You don't mind do you Chihiro?" Haku was watching her closely. "It's…" Haku quickly cut her off. "I just want you to stay here nothing else, I promise." He said worried, afraid that she would get the wrong idea and hate him. Chihiro smiled at him and moved to the other side of her bed, and lay down on top of the covers. "It's fine Haku. Just rest for now." She said as she turned on to her side to look at him. Haku was still watching her closely.

"Chihiro you are so beautiful." Haku said reaching out and gently pulling her to him. He lightly brushed his lips against her forehead before leaning back against the pillow.

"They're not nightmares." Chihiro heard him say, his voice just barely above an audible whisper. Chihiro rested her head on his shoulder and waited for him to continue, letting him take his own time. "They're so much worse. A dream you can wake up from, but with these you cant, most of the time I'm awake when they happen." He sighed "no matter what I do I can't stop them, not for long anyway. Chihiro, these illusions or whatever you want to call them always have you in them." The arm around her tightened protectively.

So this was what was bothering Haku, keeping her voice calm Chihiro asked. "Haku. What did you see that scared you so much?"

A/N: Yes chapter three is done, yay! dances around the room. Ok breath calm down, sorry I'm a bit hyper at the moment…you can't blame me, in the time it took me to type this up I have had 1L of cordial and about four coffees.

So I have a quote that I like. "The mind is like a parachute, it works best when its open."

And here's something to possibly confuse you. (the brains a muscle if you don't use it you lose it.)

11 was a race horse 22 was 12

1111 race 22112.

You can all thank my sis for that one.

Thankyou to those who reviewed:-

Fantasywriter13 - thankyou, I'm glad you like it so far.

Enigmatic Eel - I hope that you liked what happened. Thankyou.

HotPinkPenguin - thankyou I'm glad you liked the Chihiro Haku sceen.

Oro oro - thankyou very much, I'm glad you liked it.

Blue-Jellee - more about what Haku's been upto should be coming up in future chapters, but that all depends in my mood (I could decide to be evil)

soraa rrora - I'm glad you liked it. I'm not so sure about more lemons…blushes I might have to ask one of my friends for help with that, I'm not to good with them

swmchicshay - thankyou, I hope that this chapter didn't disappoint. We'll see about the lemons as I said before.

BookwormRose - more? You say More?…lol…well since I was in an obliging mood you shall get your request in a week or so (if I don't get writers block) when I post the fourth chapter. Sorry about the time lapse I tend to write late, (excuses excuses I know) I'm pretty sure that I put "the day progressed blah blah blah, but strugs oh well, sorry about that.

ravenseductress - thankyou

By the way for those who really want to know what Haku's secret is, I have two possibilities for an ending,(not to say I'm almost finished) one you might like and one you'll want to fly to Australia (if your not in oz) and kill me for. I'm just warning you because it depends on my mood.

Anyway next chapter should be up in a week or so, please don't hold me to that.

♥Later♥


	4. Chapter 4

Haku's secret

By iceprincess85

Summary: For ten years all Chihiro has really wanted was to see Haku again. What will happen when he suddenly shows up? What is Haku keeping from and why won't he tell her why it's been ten years?

Disclaimer: I do not own spirited away.

**Chapter Four.**

Chihiro lay in Haku's arms tears rolling down her cheeks; Haku was cursing himself for being a fool and telling her about his illusion.

"Chihiro?" He gently ran his hand up and down her back. Haku was sitting up against her wooden bed head cradling her to him tenderly. Chihiro still lay on top of the blanks, her head pressed to Haku's shoulder as silent sobs racked her body. "Chihiro I'm sorry, it's not something that I want to happen, and just because it was in the illusion doesn't mean that it's going to happen. It's just something that I saw. I'm sorry."

Chihiro shook her head. "It's ok Haku. I'm sorry, I can't…it's not you telling me that has upset me, it's just that dont want to be something that causes you pain." Haku looked down at her, I've caused her pain again he realised as he held her closer and wishing that he could take back the words.

"Chihiro I'm sorry that I told you, I shouldn't have." His words sound hollow to him and all Haku really wanted was for Chihiro to stop crying. "Please stop crying Chihiro, I would take the words back if I could." Still looking down at her he saw the shake of her head. " No Haku, I would rather know and cry, if it helps you to talk about it, than not know." Her voice was full of emotion. Haku kissed the top of her head, he didn't know what to do or say.

"Haku I..."Haku placed a finger softly against her lips to silence her. "Ssh, Chihiro just get some rest for a while ok?" Her head bobbed up and down on his shoulder as she nodded. Haku stopped moving his hands on her back and sat there in silence.

Chihiro's breathing quickly became even and her body relaxed more. Noticing that she was asleep Haku removed his arms from around her and gently, so as to not disturb her, moved the blanket out from under her and place it over her so that they were both covered. After doing that he slowly slid down so that his head was resting on the pillow and repositioned Chihiro against him. Chihiro groaned in disapproval of being disturbed snuggled back up to Haku and promptly went back to sleep. Haku smiled at this, she was so cute he thought as he once again put his arms around her and dozing off.

_Chihiro's arms were wrapped around Haku neck, her naked chest pressed against his as they lay together. The two were caught up in a wine-sweet kiss, pressing close to one another. Haku looked down at her, the woman he loved. Her brown eyes glazed with passion much like his green ones as they looked at eachother. Chihiro moaned as he ran his hands lovingly travelled over her nakedness. _

_"Haku." She moaned again as his hands moved over her smooth skin again. "I lo..." Her words were interrupted as a terrified scream filled Haku's ears._

Haku was jolted out of his dream as Chihiro's blood curdling scream filled the room followed by the sound of her crying.

"Chihiro? Chihiro what's wrong?" Haku's heart was beating so fast he thought it was going to jump out of his chest. Quickly pulling Chihiro closer to him, Haku tried to comfort her as tears streamed down her face. her body shook violently in wake of the nightmare she'd had. Feeling her shake Haku realised just how bad the dream must have been.

"Chihiro do you want to talk about it?" Haku asked as his fingers ran through her damp hair. Haku felt her head shake and her arms tighten around him. " I'm sorry." He said for the millionth time since Chihiro had gotten home.

"I should never have told you." He whispered. Chihiro looked up at him in shocked. He knew, but how? "Haku how…" Cutting her off he said. "Did I know? The way you screamed and the way you are shaking and how afraid you sounded when you screamed"

Haku sighed then continued. "It's strange but the way you reacted it was exactly how I felt Chihiro. Does that make any sense to you?" Chihiro thought about it for a second then nodded her head, it did make sense to her.

"Haku…can…can we stay together tonight?" Haku smiled reassuringly down at her, noticing her deep blush he knew she felt uncomfortable asking him if they could sleep together. "Sure we can. It's really upto you anyway Chihiro, this is after all your bed." Chihiro laughed weakly at his comment, cuddled into him and closed her eyes to sleep.

"I love you Haku." Her words held love and sincerity. She, having her head against his chest, heard Haku's heartbeat quicken and begin to race at her words. "Chihiro I…" The words seemed to catch in his throat. Sighing Haku placed a kiss on top of her head and took a deep breath before closed his eyes. Chihiro didn't need to hear the words now, she was just happy that he knew how she felt, he would say it one day she knew it.

Chihiro and Haku both drifted off to sleep, Chihiro contently, while Haku was bothered by his words or lack there of.

Blue-Jellee - Thankyou. Awwwe, they are a cute aren't they. No I'm not good at them, Falls to knees in begging position you have to believe me. lol. Oh and a mega huge thanks for cheering me up the other day, you're such a sweetie. I can't wait for the third chapter of "Van Van the Afro Man."

Oro Oro - Yay…hmmm, next chapter I believe is above all this, smiles cheekily , chapter after this well who knows I haven't even started it yet, but I'll try not to take too long writing it.

Shaun (from whom I got a verbal review) - Too bad about the short chapters :p I can't write long ones. Tear rolls down cheek stop picking on me! Only joking, sort of. (It's not like you listen to me anyway)

A/N: Hey sorry about the short chapter…I couldn't be bothered writing more at the moment and I wanted to post something. So I haven't really thanked everyone who reads my story, so thanks if you do read it…an even bigger thanks to those who send me reviews smiles happily . I love getting reviews that's what motivates me to write more.

I'm sorry if this chapter sucked…I wasn't in a really good mood when I wrote it. Thus the crappy writing. Oh just so everyone knows Shaun is my lil sis' bf.

Ok now everyone pleeeeaasssseee be nice and review.

♥Later♥


	5. Chapter 5

Haku's secret

By iceprincess85

Summary: For ten years all Chihiro has really wanted was to see Haku again. What will happen when he suddenly shows up? What secret is Haku keeping, and why won't he tell her why it's been ten years?

Disclaimer: I do not own spirited away.

**Chapter Five.**

It had been five days since Haku had told Chihiro about his illusion. Chihiro had taken holidays, feeling unease at the idea of Haku possibly collapsing again and her not being around. Though he had not had another illusion since, they still shared the same bed.

Haku still felt guilty about what he had not been able to tell her, Chihiro had not mentioned it and didn't seem like she was going to. Things were like they had been days ago, on the outside, Haku sighed and looked at the ground. _This isn't helping; moping around avoiding everything,_ he thought, berating himself for this foolishness and insecurity.

"Haku what's wrong?" Chihiro asked startling him. He had been sitting at the dining table 'reading' and hadn't heard her come up behind him.

"Ah, ummm…nothing Chihiro." Was all he could manage, along with a weak smile. _There is no need to tell her, _he rationalized silently to himself. _Besides it would just make things worse. _Haku turned back to his book, and thus did not notice the emotions that were crossing Chihiro's face.

"Damn it Haku, can't you at least trust me?" Chihiro's voice was filled with raw emotion allowing Haku to hear the pain she felt at what she believed was his lack trust in her. "I know I'm just an annoyance and a useless burden but I…" She broke off as the first of many frustrated tears made its way down her cheek. Haku sat in the chair as her hurt filled words sunk in.

"Chihiro, what do you mean a burden?" His words were spoken in hushed tones as he got out of his chair and moved to her. Chihiro lowered her head so she didn't have to look at him. Haku repeated his question only to have her shake her head at him.

"Chihiro you are not a burden, and how could you be? You have let me stay here with you, and not asked anything of me." He had noticed not long after he had arrived that Chihiro was always apologising for things not being good enough. Haku wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her forward so that she was resting against him.

"Chihiro, could you please tell me something?" When Chihiro didn't answer him he lightly lifted her chin so that she was forced to look at him. Her eyes filled with tears as she stared back into his eyes. Suddenly not wanting to push the matter further, Haku pulled her closer in a loving embrace.

"It's alright you don't have to tell me." Chihiro's arms wrapped around him as she began to cry. His words seemed to be the key to unleashing her unshed tears. Haku didn't know how long they stood there; Chihiro in his arms sobbing silently.

"I'm sorry." She said as she wiped away her tears and tried to pull away but Haku's arms stayed firmly around her middle stopping her. As she raised her head to ask him to let go Haku's lips were pressed against hers, in a gentle and loving kiss that showed her of his love for her. Closing her eyes Chihiro abandoned herself in the kiss.

She pulled away and leant her head on his shoulder. Haku lifted Chihiro into his arms and carried her to the lounge. With Chihiro in his lap he sat silently, her head rested in the crook of his neck as she took comfort in his presence.

"They died because of me, you know?" Chihiro's voice a mere whisper as she spoke. Her words not really directed at Haku even though he was the only one there. Haku knew this and knew that it was something that she needed to get off her chest.

"I was the one driving when the accident happened. I sped up to over take another car and before I knew it there was another car coming right at me, and I froze. I didn't know what to do. Then I heard mum and dad scream and then nothing." Haku sat silently listening to Chihiro, his arm around her holding her close. Her head still rested in the crook of his neck and he could feel her breath on his skin.

"Haku, I'm sorry I…I just…" Haku placed a finger gently against her lips. "it's alright Chihiro , I don't mind you talking about this, you need to get it off your chest anyway." Chihiro moved back and looked up at him, giving him a skeptical look.

"It wasn't your fault Chihiro. It was an accident, you didn't know it was going to happen." Haku said as he cupped he cheek and lightly kissed her on the forehead.

"Thankyou Haku." She said as she wrapped her arms around him again. Haku's mind was filled with questions, all begging to be asked.

"Chihiro may I ask you a question?" his voice was even as he asked this, hiding all emotion. "Yes." The word was the barest of whispers and Haku wondered if he had heard it for if he had just imagined it.

"What makes you think that you are a burden and the cause of your parents death?"

A/N: so there is another chapter down...so ideas are coming slower now, can you tell? So any ideas offered will be greatly appreciated and considered, if you really want you can email them to me (email addie's on my profile page)... anyhow changing the subject, i really want to sound like a broken record so here we go. REVIEW please, i love reviews plus the more you review the more ill updat, if you review ill give you a kiss. Giggles a notion of kissing review through the computer.

Yes i am quite aware i am weird and all, but i am an individual, and love to be myself not another sheep in the flock.

There is this GREAT fic you have to check out, it's soooo good, it's a Spirited Away fic with a twist called "Ebb of Time" by Dragosun...its really good, check it out sometime it is well worth it.

So to me reviewers. Yay, reviewers dances around the room yet again (please do not take any offence at what i say, it is never meant in that way, it is just my weird personality and sense of humor.) I LOVE ALL MY REVIEWERS!

BookwormRose - i thought that reviewers where there to support the writer...oh yeah and all that other stuff, lol. Yay... i guess i should thankyou for helping me improve. Thankyou. Why couldn't Haku say it you ask? Hmmm...Maybe because i like being evil and tormenting my character, i dont know. its all good yell all you like it's your right as a reviewer. Sorry about the grammatical errors i did check it (at 2am). Sorry. Oh well to err is human, or so they say. MORE? Frowns at computer Geez you're a greedy reader winks. i will give you more and i hope that you like it...of course i love you's you're my reviewers.

Enigmatic Eel - thankyou. Hey dont stress if you can't review every chapter, at least you were bothered to review. i will try and keep up the work or even better improve.

HotPinkPenguin - thankyou you are very kind.

Oro Oro - thanks for the help, i really appreciate it.

Dragosun - So my story "aint" to bad huh? i do believe that is the nicest thing that you have ever said to me, lol! Well i deserve a head start, with as well as you write and how quickly. Beat you... smiles sweetly with an evil glint in her eyes dont i always? Pulls out tally book of wins and losses, and laughs evilly.

- (Mr-blur) - I believe that an ending to a chapter should seem "incomplete" so that it may lead on to the next chapter, though this is also just the way I write. I am sorry that you thought that my story sucked, though I do thankyou for your honesty.

Blue-Jellee - Thankyou so very much, you help me so much and i dont think that you even realize it. I'm still lmao over the Haku Kamaji comment... Ahhhhh mental image! Runs around clutching head, trying to purge image from her brain. anyway don't cry…actually cry if you want just as long as you lean on my shoulder.

Royalphoenix - thankyou, I'm glad you love my story…yay….well chickens do like to speak I guess, lol.

NightFire89 - thankyou, the next chapter will be up soon, hopefully.

eeee bob – it needs more…umm ok if you let me know what it needs more of I'll see what I can do. You know you love the suspence…lol…all will be revealed eventually….maybe.


	6. Authors note

A/N: hey everyone i am so so so sorry that it is taking me so long with this next chapter...unfortunitly i hit the wall running and i am drawing a blank. i should have it dont in the first few weeks of jan. hope you all have a wonderful chistmas and all the best for the new year. thanks for all the reviews. special thanks to blue-jellee, bookwormrose and dragosun, thanks for all the help and advice.

love

iceprincess85


	7. Chapter 6

Dedicated to my darling love...-

Haku's secret

By iceprincess85

Summary: For ten years all Chihiro has really wanted was to see Haku again. What will happen when he suddenly shows up? What secret is Haku keeping, and why won't he tell her why it's been ten years?

Disclaimer: I do not own spirited away.

A/N: Hey everyone so welcome to chapter six. Its short and I'm sorry about that, please dont hate me. I'm also sorry that it has taken so long, I didn't mean for it to but I just couldn't really think of anything for ages. The next chapter maybe a while away, possibly around the end of feb. Oh also I say lounge instead of sofa, just thought id say that so no ones sitting there going "wtf are you going on about."

**Chapter Six.**

"What makes you think that you are a burden and the cause of your parents death?"

Chihiro tensed in his arms and Haku began to wonder if he should have asked another question. Chihiro inhaled deeply and relaxed her body abit.

"I guess it's just that if you are told these things enough you begin to believe them."

This caused more questions in Haku's mind, who had told her such things? Not wanting to make her feel pressured Haku let it drop, besides he had things he still hadn't told her.

For the longest while they sat there holding each other. Chihiro was resting her head on against Haku's shoulder. Chihiro looked up when Haku suddenly shifted his position.

"Do you want me to move?" Haku's face was expressionless making it hard for Chihiro to tell what he was feeling or anything.

"No." the word was spoken softly, his voice sounded strange. One of his hands slowly moved up to tangle in Chihiro's hair as he pressed his lips to hers. Chihiro kissed him back, Haku pulled back suddenly earning him a questioning look from Chihiro.

"Chihiro I'm sorry." he said resting his head on the back of the back of the lounge Chihiro continued to look at Haku she didn't understand why he was apologising. With a sigh Chihiro got up and started to walk towards her room.

"I'm tired Haku, I'm going to bed." Haku watched her walk away; his head fell back again once the bedroom door shut.

"Idiot." he said to himself.

Chihiro got ready for bed she wondered about Haku. There were so many things she wanted to ask him and things to tell him. And yet when he had asked her just now why she blamed herself she couldn't tell him, not really. All she had been able to say was 'if thats what you hear all the time that is what you believe.' shaking off the thoughts Chihiro slipped under the covers, and got herself comfortable.

Haku was still resting his head on the back of the lounge, cursing himself for being such an idiot.

A/N: yet again everyone I am so sorry...I didn't mean for this to take forever...unfortunately I cant write when I am stressed, and ive been getting more stressed of late. I would like to give special thanks Blue-Jellee BookwormRose HotPinkPenguin and Dragosun you guys are really helping me heaps, with your support comments and suggestions. The next chapter shouldn't be that long in coming, no promises though. I think I two more chapters and thats it, I'm not sure, though I am bringing it to an end soon. Oh and I am sorry bout the chapter being rather bad.

_Reviewer Responses... (I love you guys!)_

**Blue-Jellee** - Awwwwww, you're such a sweetie! Thankyou, more fluffiness you say... well we'll see if not this chapter then definitely the next...if I dont you can come to Brisbane and beat me up ok?

**BookwormRose** - I'm so so so so sooooooooooooo sorry about the grammar, basically I write the way I talk, but I also stop and start when I write so that may have something to do with it... also I might be revising all the chaps soon so ill be going through it all with a fine toothed comb. Hopefully this will improve it. And thanks for your honesty, I prefer it, if I dont know how can I improve right?

**NightFire89** - yay I'm soooo glad you liked it.

**Jessi** - thankyou I'm glad you liked it. I'll try keep the chaps coming till the end if course.

**Suma Susaki** - hey thankyou, I'm glad you liked it. Sorry that this chap took sooooo long to be posted...I hit a wall of writers block.

**HotPinkPenguin** - Yay. Thankyou.

**lizzard-gurl** - thankyou very much. I think chap three is the longest, not that you really wanted to know that, but yeah sorry about the chapters getting shorter. Unfortunately this one is no exception. Thankyou again ill try and keep it up.

**Neko Yuff16** - Thankyou, sorry it took so long to update.

**Dark Contender** - I'm glad you like, thankyou for the advice.

**Latte** - yeah I'm somewhat of a romantic, thanks ill try.


	8. Chapter 7

Dedicated to Ashleigh

Haku's secret

By iceprincess85

Summary: For ten years all Chihiro has really wanted was to see Haku again. What will happen when he suddenly shows up? What secret is Haku keeping, and why won't he tell her why it's been ten years?

Disclaimer: I do not own spirited away.

A/N: Hey everyone. So i am back with another chapter for you all. You are going to hate me though coz its not very good and its short (it takes after me!) chapters will be coming slower and i will be revising chapters...nothing overly big just 'lil mistakes here and there. Please check my profile for information on my fics progress.

**Chapter Seven.**

All she had been able to say was 'if thats what you hear all the time that is what you believe.' shaking off the thoughts Chihiro slipped under the covers, and got herself comfortable.

Haku was still resting his head on the back of the lounge, cursing himself for being such an idiot.

Chihiro woke in the morning something didn't feel right. Looking besides her she realised that she was alone, Haku hadn't come to bed like he normally did.

Silently she walked out to find him asleep on the lounge. He looked so peaceful while he slept; his features totally relaxed unlike they had been of late.

Ever since he had had that illusion he seemed somewhat tense, and it wasn't just a few things that gave it away. It was nearly, if not, everything. His expression always seemed very somber; his voice rather monotone and lifeless, the way he held himself was stiff and unrelaxed. She hated seeing him like that.

Haku started talking in his sleep; Chihiro could make out only the last of the words he said. 'Love you Chihiro.' He had said.

A sudden squeak of delight escaped Chihiro before she practically threw herself onto Haku and kissed him.

The sudden weight and pressure woke Haku with a shock resulting with Chihiro being under him and both of them on the ground. Totally stunned the couple looked at one another. Chihiro looked away as she felt heated colour creeping into her cheeks.

"Tell me do you plan on making this the way you wake me up from now on?" she was surprised and elated to hear his playful teasing again winding her arms around his neck and moved her mouth to his again. Haku looked down at Chihiro as he pulled away.

"Chihiro I…what was that for?" his voice was as uneven as his breathing.

"Didn't you like it?" Chihiro asked faking a wounded expression. Haku's mouth was suddenly against Chihiro's in a demanding kiss, his tongue ran along her closed lips. Chihiro opened her mouth allowing him to deepen the kiss her arms going around him once more.

Chihiro felt him shift his weight and then she was on top of him. Pulling back Chihiro looked down at him. Both were breathing heavily Chihiros' cheeks has a light pink tint to them.

"Does that answer your question?" Chihiro felt her face flame up more.

A/N: hey everyone i hope that you enjoyed it; i know it was short again and i am sorry. Before i get to the reviewer responses id like to say to all those people who asked me what Hakus' secret is and ask me to update sooner, i cant tell you you'll just have to read and find out and i can only write so fast. Also i lost my original story plan so i can't remember what i had planned for this fic. I will get it done i just have to try and remember what i was going to do.

**Reviewer responses**

**Blue-Jellee – **Yay you are going to come visit me! Yes that is what he is hiding. Damn how did you know?

**imasprtsgrl – **LOL Im glad you like it thankyou for reviewing.

**BookwormRose – **thankyou so much for pointing all that out, it's a huge help. Im glad you correct me, like you said if no one points it out then you don't notice it. Ill try not to disappoint you.

**royalphoenix – **hope you liked that Chihiro Haku moment.

**Suma Susaki –** Yes I know that brick wall you mentioned, so that's whos impression was in it? Hopefully this isn't to short and you still like it.

**Rhain** – well the stress comes and goes its just getting myself out of the brick wall of writers block. Thankyou for the wish of luck.

**pink-flame-kit** – thankyou, the relationship will begin to blossom.

**foxracingchick1313** – thankyou im glad you like it. Its ok if you don't have advice for me I like getting reviews they make me want to write.

**Brynn Parker** – oh you must love this chapter them since they want to get together so much but just haven't. lol.

**Moonglitter2** – im sorry for making you wait for this update. Im glad you like it.

**Spartan 137** – I know he hasn't. thankyou for reviewing.

**Water Dragon Haku** – thankyou im glad you like it.

**OtakuAnime131** – thankyou for the advice. Thankyou, I hope you enjoy reading it.


	9. Authors' Note

Authors note.

First off I like to thank everyone who has read and reviewed this fic, thankyou very much Im grateful for your kind words and encouragement. Im so sorry that I haven't been updating in ages, truth be told I lost interest in writing this fic and my other one. I want to finish it though, so if you have any ideas please send them to be in a review or PM me.

I have been working on a final chapter I just can't really think of anything to go in it, so it may take me a while to get it up. Please be patient with me, I will hopefully have it up in the next 2 months.

I am sorry to those who liked this fic. Maybe when I revise it I'll gain my interest back in it, in which case I could possibly add more chapters.

So anyway, ideas will hopefully help me get it out sooner, I will give full credit to people who do help it wouldn't be fair not to.


	10. an

Just a quick A/N

Just a quick A/N

Hello everyone, I bet you all thought I had abandoned my fanfic? And why wouldn't you after two years without any updates…I just realised that it's been that long. Sorry about that guys.

Ok here is what has happened: I have hit the wall running with this fic, that or someone shot my muse…I cannot think of anything to write and everything that I have written, for this fic, has just really really REALLY sucked. Although I haven't stopped writing I have been writing, although nothing like this fic. Feel free to pm me about that if you would like to see anything more that I have written although I will warn you its not het fics.

So that main reason for this A/N is simply to say anyone who would like this fic continued please give me a hand with some ideas, I don't care if you think it's a crap idea im sure it will be great and you never know what you think is crap could be just what I need to start this fic back off. Of course all those who are kind enough to give me a hand I will love forever, XD. And Ill give credit to any ideas I use.

Thankyou to everyone who has read and anyone who is willing to help.

Iceprincess85


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